It’s the day after my father was laid to rest. The world seems smaller…the feeling of that “one” thing is missing and can’t be found. My memories have been somber, especially with the performance of the Patriot Honor Guard and the passing of the Patriot Coin to me. I sat there, rolling the coin through my fingers, touching through its circumference, feeling it’s sides with my finger tips. What really set the finality of it all was when Donnie handed over Dad’s hat and his dog tag to me.
I think through how different we were, but how much his influences moved me into the interests that I have. Even our dichotomy in basic ideas drove me into ideas and realms of interests. I wasn’t comfortable hunting (killing wild animals when we had cows, etc. didn’t make sense to me at the time), I had no patience for fishing, and I found guns fun and interesting but they didn’t hold the same level of want or need.
As with any family member passing, I think through things I really should do differently or should re-examine. I feeling that things need to change, though, the current melancholy that is hanging in my mind keeps pushing that need to the side. I wonder how to improve the quality of my life in a way where I can be around just that little bit longer so I don’t miss a portion of what should be important. I guess these are all the parts of loss and grief where introspection is it’s most potent.